I hiked along the creek for about 2 hours and then I got back in my car and drove into town for lunch. I was starving and felt better after I ate.
I had already decided to revisit my favorite vortex for the afternoon. This was, of course, the Cow Pies Vortex I mentioned earlier. I packed up my backpack with some necessary supplies (namely some peanut butter crackers and a Pepsi) and took off for the vortex. The day was so beautiful. I was hiking in khaki shorts, a purple T-shirt with a wolf on it, and a blue and black checked flannel shirt. And of course a black baseball-style cap.
I reached the Cow Pies Vortex by driving several miles up a winding road into a canyon just barely outside of town. People were camping alongside the road in shaded groves. I parked my rented car and began the now familiar hike to the Cow Pies. The Cow Pies look like large, round, you got it - Cow Pies! There are two of them nestled in the center of this canyon each about 100 feet in diameter. The one that is further west has a spectacular view of the sunset through the opening of the canyon toward the town. That's what I had done the day before. I had sat there at sunset and meditated and taken in the glorious view. Today however I had a different goal. The canyon ridge stretches a couple of miles and has an area toward the west end that is carved out like a saddle - it is lower and narrower than the rest of the canyon ridge. I wanted to hike to that saddle and I had all afternoon to accomplish this.
First I stopped along the medicine wheel. This giant wheel is made from black rocks and is just to the east of both cow pies. Since my goal was not the cow pies today I continued south to the ridge of the canyon. I thought I spied the path to the saddle along the ridge quite a way up. I began my ascent all the while remembering my dream. It was very steep and I was very cautious and at times fearful to continue. But I was really determined. I hiked/climbed up for about twenty or thirty minutes until I reached the ledge. I began walking along the ridge on the ledge but found that there was a break in the ledge and it would not take me to the saddle. I was not pleased. I felt duped by my guides and couldn't believe they had let me waste my time climbing all the way up there at (supposedly) great peril to myself. I was so mad I was just going to go back down without even spending a moment enjoying the view or exploring this large indention in the cliff wall. I sat down at the pathway down and let my feet dangle over the edge. I found that I was no longer afraid of the climb down. I calmed down enough to get over my anger and to try to find the positive in this experience. I decided to at least try to appreciate where I was and to enjoy the view.
I climbed inside the indention in the side of the cliff - a small cave really that created a room about 10 feet square. Looking out from inside the cave the cow pies and the medicine wheel were framed by the entrance within a rounded triangle with one point directly at the top. As soon as I sat down I was stunned with the beauty and perfection of this space. All of my anger had dissipated and I sat in gratitude for the experience. I had my snack and then I began a meditation on the vortexes that were framed before me. I imagined the energy flowing down into the vortexes and into me. Then I imagined myself sending love out into the canyon and beyond. I sat in this cave for about one hour and then I knew it was time to leave. As I climbed down I saw that I was giving the place up to two young men who were climbing in shorts and no shirts in the afternoon sun. Unlike me they were climbing with the cave as a goal - they had been there before.
Again, now fortified with my pepsi and peanut butter crackers I searched for the path to the saddle - this time a little lower along the ridge. I managed to begin meandering in the proper direction, sometimes on the path and sometimes I think not. At some points I again had to confront my newfound fear of falling. At one place in particular I had to pause to gather my strength and will to continue since the path was so narrow and so near the edge. But after about 45 minutes of walking along the ridge I had reached the expanse of rock directly below the saddle. Here there was no fear of falling because the rock ledge was about 50 feet wide. I just now had to get to the top of the saddle. It was about the width of a large neighborhood street and about three times longer than it was wide. It also loomed about twenty feet over my head almost straight up. I managed to climb up the far end of the saddle without too much effort and began walking along the top to the middle.
For the first time I could see what lay on the other side of the ridge. I was looking into another deep canyon. It was like the earth just fell away on both sides of the saddle. I was struck with a terror unlike any I had ever known. I felt like I would lose my balance and fall even though I knew that was impossible; the saddle was very wide and long. I sat down to keep from falling; I was still terrified. I laid down flat on my back thinking I couldn't fall then but it helped not a bit. I stretched out my arms perpendicular from my sides and tried to grasp the minute indentations of the rock itself to hold on so that I would not fall. I closed my eyes and pretended I was somewhere else. Nothing stopped this feeling of being on a roller coaster or on a bucking bronco. It seemed that the saddle was moving and trying to throw me off. I felt like I was being charged with incredible energy. I tried to breathe into this and calm down and accept it. Finally after about ten minutes I couldn't take it anymore. I rose to a crouched position and moved off the saddle next to a small tree no taller than me. I clutched at the tree until I was reasonably calm again.
After I calmed down I cautiously went back out there to see what would happen. I was no longer frightened and sat down and just began to enjoy the wonderful view. I was somewhat bewildered and amazed at the experience I had just had. But everything was so beautiful and I felt so peaceful. I remembered a lady I talked to the day before in a shop in Sedona who had told me that she liked to walk barefoot out this path and I thought yes I want to connect with this place and so I took off my shoes and socks and felt the warmth of the rock against my feet and the warmth of the sun on my skin. I remembered the two young men climbing up to the cave and I thought - I wish I could take off my shirt. I really wanted to take off my shirt. So I thought why not? I could hear anyone coming long before they could climb up here. I took off my shirt. The sun felt wonderful against my skin. Well, then I thought, why not? So I took off my shorts, too. I looked at my body stretched out along the saddle and instead of being critical of it I thought it was beautiful. So yes the underwear went next. I felt poised between heaven and earth. I was in the center of the universe. After about ten minutes I put my clothes back on and meditated and did yoga balancing postures using the saddle as a imaginary balance beam until I felt it was time to leave. I remember in meditation I wished to always want what life had to offer me. All in all, I was on the saddle for about thirty minutes.
It wasn't until I was well on my way back to the car that I remembered my dreams and I realized that I had had the death and rebirth experience that had been foreshadowed by the scarab. Time will show the importance of this event in my life.
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